Ask Jake, Lou and Tater

Status
Not open for further replies.

bigJake

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,166
Likes
42
Location
Pittsburgh, Pa
Water Crafts
96 GSX, 97 GSX, 01 Rinker Captiva 192
#1
Hey ya'll. Me and my brother Lou were sitting around watchin some NASCAR and puttin a hurtin on a keg a beer the other night and we got to talkin about how we are among the elder statesmen on the forum and there's lot's of young whipper snappers out there who can probably benefit from our wordly ways. Lou is alot younger than me, I was the oldest, Sis was next and then Lou, but most of you have probably realized by now that Lou is the more educated one of the family and has a much better way with words. He could really smooth talk the ladies and understands more about how women think than anyone I know. Some of you misguided lads have made mistakes like asking your girlfriend to back the trailer into the water and other things like that which just can't end pretty. So lucky for you, me and Lou are now here to save you from making those mistakes. So bring on the questions guys and gals. Maybe you got an issue with your wife, girlfriend or significant other (even if you both mount your seadoo from the same side, if ya know what I mean - that's ok too). Or maybe that jerk you got for a boss is getting on your nerves, we can help with that too. So whatever is stickin in your craw, let me and Lou help. We ain't gonna give ya none of that politically correct B.S. we're gonna tell ya how it is. We are here to offend everyone and your privacy is absolutely not guaranteed. Our cousin Criss, who is truly the most worldy of all of our kin, cause he moved downunder many years ago will also be sharing his worldy wisdom. And best of all, this tried and true wisdom is absolutley free.

So let's hear your questions. Ask Jake and Lou (and Criss)! Please no technical questions on this thread. :hurray:
 
Last edited by a moderator:


bigJake

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,166
Likes
42
Location
Pittsburgh, Pa
Water Crafts
96 GSX, 97 GSX, 01 Rinker Captiva 192
#4
Big boobs. How big is big?:confused:
Fractus,
That there is an excellent question. One that has baffled mankind since the dawn of time. Luckily, I have been studying breasts for several decades and can tell you that breasts fall into four categories: titties, breasts, boobs and gazoongas. Titties are smaller but still very sexy. Breasts are the perfect size because they can retain their shape. Speaking of shape, you got the pointy type breast, the nicely rounded breast and the saggy breast. The third classification; boobs, is where you move into the larger breast. These look great in a bikini or low cut blouse, and are lots of fun to play with but they start to lose a little bit of their appeal with age as they begin to sag. Ya know, like when granny comes walkin out with her boobs down at her waist. The last classification is the gazoongas, that is pretty much self explanatory.

Now that we have established the basics, back to your question. How big is big? There is actually no right or wrong answer. It is more a matter of personal preference. To me, the perfect size is a nice round perky category 2 breast. That's what Sis has, and they are fantastic. :thumbsup:

I hope that answers your question. Write back soon.
 

bigJake

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,166
Likes
42
Location
Pittsburgh, Pa
Water Crafts
96 GSX, 97 GSX, 01 Rinker Captiva 192
#5
Is that a quarter or half keg?
Good Lord son, we ain't a couple a pussies sitting around sippin brandy. That there is a full size keg and we always keep a spare on ice.

However, if we were sippin brandy like a couple a pussies, it is good to know that it is best served at room temperature. :cheers:
 
Last edited by a moderator:

fractus

New Member
Messages
229
Likes
1
Location
Austin,Texas
Water Crafts
1997-1/2 GSX LTD, 1998 GTX-RFI, 2005 Honda F-12X, 2004 GTX SC
#6
This thread is going to be kinda like Tom and Ray Magliozzi (Tappet Bros) only on life's quandries. :boxing_smiley:
 

bigJake

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,166
Likes
42
Location
Pittsburgh, Pa
Water Crafts
96 GSX, 97 GSX, 01 Rinker Captiva 192
#8
This thread is going to be kinda like Tom and Ray Magliozzi (Tappet Bros) only on life's quandries. :boxing_smiley:
Tom and Ray are pretty good with cars but nothing compared to Pa. Pa ran moonshine back during the prohibition and he could make a car run faster than an altar boy being chased be a Catholic priest. Some of the early stars of NASCAR such as Junior Johnson got their racing skills from runnin moonshine. :cheers:
 

LouDoo

Moderator
Moderator
Messages
12,675
Likes
189
Location
Lexington, KY
Water Crafts
SeaDoo's: 96 GTI 720, 95 XP 800 Limited, 96 GSX 787. 2000, 18' Bayliner 3.0L.
#10
Big boobs. How big is big?:confused:
Jake is partially correct, but some time he tends to be a little short sighted. If you're just looking or dating any size you prefer is O.K. However if you're looking down the road maybe toward possible marriage you need to keep in mind what they are going to look like 25-30 years from now.

Pa always said more than a mouth full is wasted which is partially true, I personally like a little excess. However I think you'll agree that you don't want you're wife to be wearing them around her waist in 30 years which is exactly what's going to happen if they're too big.

Lou
 

LouDoo

Moderator
Moderator
Messages
12,675
Likes
189
Location
Lexington, KY
Water Crafts
SeaDoo's: 96 GTI 720, 95 XP 800 Limited, 96 GSX 787. 2000, 18' Bayliner 3.0L.
#11
Is that a quarter or half keg?

John, Yea, Jake is right we don't mess around we usually keep a keg in the house, and another one cool down at the creek. It's getting kinda hard for Sis to pack the one up from the creek so we've been thinking about getting two pony kegs so she can carry one under each arm. Nobody can say we ain't nice to our sister.

Lou
 

bigJake

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,166
Likes
42
Location
Pittsburgh, Pa
Water Crafts
96 GSX, 97 GSX, 01 Rinker Captiva 192
#13
I looked at this thread because i thought it would be words of technical advice from Jake & Lou. It isn't but i know I'll read it again just for the Q&A part of it...or should it be T & A.

SDBud....
Damn son, anybody that has spent some time turnin a wrench can offer technical advice, but when it comes to making life altering decision you need true expert advise from someone that understands how the real world works. Ya ain't gonna get that from somebody who spends all day layin under a car. Ya want someone that's out there interacting with people on a daily basis and understands the human psyche.

For example, if ya was livin in Mayberry and ya needed some advice on how to pop the question to your girlfriend are ya gonna go talk to Goober the mechanic or to Andy Taylor?

And speakin of Mayberry, dont even get me started on that Howard Sprague fella. It ain't no big secret why he was never married. Don't buy that B.S. about him datin Milly, they just spend time together to discuss decorating ideas. And he sure seems to spend alot of time with Floyd the barber "gettin a shave and a haircut". I don't think that closet is big enough for the both of them.

How about you Seadoobuddy, you got a girlfriend? Post a picture of her boobies :drool5:
 

bigJake

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,166
Likes
42
Location
Pittsburgh, Pa
Water Crafts
96 GSX, 97 GSX, 01 Rinker Captiva 192
#14
Being Catholic (but never an altar boy) I thought that was funny.....

Bo & Luke Duke rides again
Lou was an altar boy til he was 27 but he broke his leg when he was 4 when Sis pushed him out of the tree house for getting frisky before they finished their lunch, so ever since then he didn't run too fast at all...
 
Last edited by a moderator:

bigJake

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,166
Likes
42
Location
Pittsburgh, Pa
Water Crafts
96 GSX, 97 GSX, 01 Rinker Captiva 192
#16
I'd say more like Bob and Tom on crack.

Lou
Speakin a crack Lou, yesterday since pa was busy down at the still, ma had her brother Jimmy Bob come over to fix her clogged up sink. Now ya know uncle Jimmy Bob is a pretty big ole boy so when he bent down to look at that sink there was enough crack stickin outta his britches to hold a opussum meat sandwhich.
 

LouDoo

Moderator
Moderator
Messages
12,675
Likes
189
Location
Lexington, KY
Water Crafts
SeaDoo's: 96 GTI 720, 95 XP 800 Limited, 96 GSX 787. 2000, 18' Bayliner 3.0L.
#17
Hey Cousin Criss, from down under or out back or where ever you are, you need to chime in here and answer some questions, Jake and I ain't cityfied and we need some help.

Lou
 

bigJake

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,166
Likes
42
Location
Pittsburgh, Pa
Water Crafts
96 GSX, 97 GSX, 01 Rinker Captiva 192
#18
When she asked me, Do I look fat in this? Was I wrong when I asked her what, this room???
Sink we touched on this yesterdee on another thread, but for those that missed it we'll rehash and expand on the subject because it is a VERY important topic. The wife is telling me to put down my beer and git outside paintin the house. So I'll let Lou handle this whilst I'm paintin and git back to ya'll a little later. I gotta get the damn wheels off the house so I can paint.
 

bigJake

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,166
Likes
42
Location
Pittsburgh, Pa
Water Crafts
96 GSX, 97 GSX, 01 Rinker Captiva 192
#19
Hey Cousin Criss, from down under or out back or where ever you are, you need to chime in here and answer some questions, Jake and I ain't cityfied and we need some help.

Lou
Lou, your forgettin about that time portal thingy or whatever it was that cousin Criss splained to us when he came for a vist last year. It's still yesterdee where Criss is at so he don't even know we started this here thread yet. Damn if I'll ever understand how those aborigine fellers ever came up with something as sophiostocated as that there device.
 

Sink

New Member
Messages
543
Likes
3
Location
Denton, NE
Water Crafts
1995 Seadoo Speedster
#20
Sink we touched on this yesterdee on another thread, but for those that missed it we'll rehash and expand on the subject because it is a VERY important topic. The wife is telling me to put down my beer and git outside paintin the house. So I'll let Lou handle this whilst I'm paintin and git back to ya'll a little later. I gotta get the damn wheels off the house so I can paint.
I wait your soon reply! I must need some good ol southern advice from Pitts! And by the way, is Sis available tonight? I was gunna take her our for a steak.. I know.. take the blender cuz she only has one tooth... (that's why I wanna take her out!)
 

LouDoo

Moderator
Moderator
Messages
12,675
Likes
189
Location
Lexington, KY
Water Crafts
SeaDoo's: 96 GTI 720, 95 XP 800 Limited, 96 GSX 787. 2000, 18' Bayliner 3.0L.
#21
When she asked me, Do I look fat in this? Was I wrong when I asked her what, this room???
Jake, answered this yesterday, however I don't necessarily agree with his answer. Since you already stuck you're foot in it, and since women have no sense of measurement. Mainly because all of their adult lives they've been told two inches is a foot. I would say you're not bigger the room is just smaller.

Well goin to the lake, I'll give more free answers when I get back. Remember you get what you pay for.

Lou
 

Sink

New Member
Messages
543
Likes
3
Location
Denton, NE
Water Crafts
1995 Seadoo Speedster
#22
Here's another one for you guys...

So lately my girlfriend has been working alot of late shifts and the past couple of months she`s been carpooling with a male co-worker. At first I didn`t mind as it saves gas and in case she has car trouble or something like that, but it seems like they`ve become a little more than friends. You know...the phone calls that hang up, she starts wearing nice clothes to work, and talking about him all the time...then abruptly stops, leaving an uncomfortable silence.

If I`m out in the garage when she gets home(usually after midnight) he just drops her off and leaves, but if the lights are off in the garage and I`m in the house (they think I`m sleeping) they sit in the car for about 20 minutes.

I asked her once what they were doing and she said "Just talking". Whatever!

So, last night I decided to see what`s really going on out there. So, I leave the garage door open and turn all the lights off. I go out in the garage and wait. In a few minutes his car pulls into the driveway and as I`m hiding behind my Speedster the headlights shine through my garage and I see something that I just can`t believe.

Theres a spot of missing gel coat on the front edge of the keel! Not real bad, but enough. How long do you think I should let it go before its a big problem ???
 

bigJake

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,166
Likes
42
Location
Pittsburgh, Pa
Water Crafts
96 GSX, 97 GSX, 01 Rinker Captiva 192
#23
Here's another one for you guys...

So lately my girlfriend has been working alot of late shifts and the past couple of months she`s been carpooling with a male co-worker. At first I didn`t mind as it saves gas and in case she has car trouble or something like that, but it seems like they`ve become a little more than friends. You know...the phone calls that hang up, she starts wearing nice clothes to work, and talking about him all the time...then abruptly stops, leaving an uncomfortable silence.

If I`m out in the garage when she gets home(usually after midnight) he just drops her off and leaves, but if the lights are off in the garage and I`m in the house (they think I`m sleeping) they sit in the car for about 20 minutes.

I asked her once what they were doing and she said "Just talking". Whatever!

So, last night I decided to see what`s really going on out there. So, I leave the garage door open and turn all the lights off. I go out in the garage and wait. In a few minutes his car pulls into the driveway and as I`m hiding behind my Speedster the headlights shine through my garage and I see something that I just can`t believe.

Theres a spot of missing gel coat on the front edge of the keel! Not real bad, but enough. How long do you think I should let it go before its a big problem ???
damn son that could be a serious problem for ya. Good thing those headlights pointed it out for ya. But, If it's not all the way thru the Gel coat I wouldn't worry about it. I really think you gotta think more about this car pooling thing though. If it was me, I'd have them picking me up a pizza and a six pack on the way home.
 

bigJake

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,166
Likes
42
Location
Pittsburgh, Pa
Water Crafts
96 GSX, 97 GSX, 01 Rinker Captiva 192
#24
I have a question for you guys. If your significant other allowed you to create a list of 5 people that you would be allowed to have sex with if you ever got the opportunity, who would be on your list?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who viewed this discussion (Total:0)

Adsense

Usergroup

Administrator Moderator Premium Member